My history...

ACTUALLY WHY? ..

I am Nata Zybina. I am 44. I have the happiest marriage that a woman could only dream of. The best son is growing, given me by fate ... in 38 years! (I knock on wood). On the way to today's happiness, I had to become a GURU OF DIVORCE. May be it sounds loudly and slightly self-confident, but the two previous marriages (each of them lasted for some reason for six years ... and by the way, the divorces also lasted half a year each ... probably I had a bad karma ...) allow me to call myself that now.Yet again, I am the holder of THREE MARRIAGE AND TWO DIVORCE certificates. Why do I want to say about all this now and to whom? Probably because it is autumn, and for me, a man born in spring, autumn is the time for congelation until spring, when everything have blossomed, smelt, fruited, slowly becoming to change its color, crumbles, and something just falling asleep, and something is dying ... We all dream of our relationship are being vernal, rainbow colored, juicy ... We will live happily ever after and so on and so on ... But alas ... DIVORCE!!!

So Why?

The first time I “jumped out” in marriage at 19, it was 1993 - the collapse of the Union, the dashing 90s, but I wanted to create!!! Why I "jumped out?" - all the problems of psychological disorders came from childhood! In order to get rid of the authoritarian influence of mom and damn-intoxicating daddy, I’m a provincial child, without thinking up anything smarter decided that creation of a new social unit would save me from the inconvenience of children and girls.

Making such a serious step in life - you need only loving person !!! It comes with experience, age and ... beloved man ... And a man brought up by the post-Soviet space once married is filled with repeatedly put in ideologies, that is to say: the family is a cell of socialist society, he bites it means that he loves, be patient- take fancy for, and God knows what, excuses for their own laziness, zero self-esteem, unwillingness to turn their lives around - what will people say? .. For the first four years I’ve been living in strict accordance with the above ... Bumping into lack of education (I had to quit the institute - my wife is not to be smarter than her husband ... the words of his now deceased grandmother), narrow-mindedness, betrayal, mutual scuffles - explaining all this of having to bad heredity, everyone lives like that ... not quite conscious - but unfortunately my choice ... trying to collect, glue something from what you to run away in a week - at some moment you start to feel that you are still a woman - and not just a wife, that it hurts you a lot, a lot ... your husband is hurt you! .. The worst thing for me are treason and betrayal. Against the background of youthful maximalism, my body reacted to adultery at 23 as I could - my legs refused ... for a short time ... for a week or something like that ... I filed for divorce, but ...

Probably, if I hadn’t been the school’s chairman of the brigade’s council, the Komsomol (Wikipedia will help today's generation that is not living according to the precepts of Ilyich), I would crawl away from the realization of the total destruction of my hastily constructed world somewhere to a dark corner to lick my wounds, recognize that this world is too cruel - because if you are a normal woman, then your husband is your world - damn it! But all this was no longer about me!!! The next two years after fours, I spent on sweet revenge! .. today I am very sorry for this ... No, I am not ashamed of having lost fear, being guided by resentment, pain, animal pain ... I broke a man every day, destroyed ... perfectly aware what I am doing and why ... No, I was not sorry for sinking to his methods of refined neglect by a close person, seeing the humble acceptance of retribution ... Two years were spent ... I guess they were necessary not to go crazy with the collapse of hopes, dreams, mania collecting of fragments of something important only for me.. I omit the details about the occupation of my spouse – failed bandit (because of the 90s), failed merchant, and many more failed...

My questioning by authorities (you aren't to be imprisoned...) my negotiations with Donetsk commercials (please do something ...), shuttle service from Dnipro: walnut to Moscow, from there - clothes from Cherkizovka ... A waitress in restaurants, a seller of the sausage department of a minimarket and for each job declared this “face of morality” in the hope of confirming “husband and wife are a single one ...”, but I did not answer with the same coin... Once, in the spring morning, passing by sleeping husband in the next room, my glance fell on the play of the sun's rays on his neck - head was upturned, skin was taut, protruding stick... and thought about the knife ... Instead of the new life without this person, I could well imagine a breech life ... Horror!!! I quietly threw a toothbrush, a comb, and linen into the bag, and again went to look for a rental housing. I left many times - this time was the last. The second time I filed for divorce ... Fortunately, the same judge listened to the case, and I was no longer so ashamed and disgusted, and my father was not in the courtroom ... And the second time we were not divorced because of the burning desire of my husband to amend everything again ...

Then there were visits to work, to rental housing (with the droving on the door, knocking out the door and then call the police), threats to relatives, throwing it into the car and then taking to the cemetery at night, picking up a knife on the face... I remember very clearly a snow-white shirt and the same white, his completely bloodless face in the first rays of the sun at the city cemetery ... From understanding of my own helplessness, from realizing the inevitability of the end - we are no more existing and NEVER will ... NEVER!!! He was in pain!!! He was hurt like me two years ago!!! We have divorced after one and half a year later, after my " OH GOD ". One and half a years of horror stories, catch-up, threats ... Perhaps when I will 75 I will write about it in more details ... It was a time when a single young woman was someone shameful, wrong, and certainly not worth discussing and what to be proud of ... I was 25 ...

Today, this woman is more independent, less “blighted” by various “customs”, the topic of divorce is not a tough taboo ... and yet this understanding comes when you are no longer in the epicenter of this “catastrophe”, when getting out of the “funnel” - you can look around, understand that life goes on, that you survived ...

I really want this community, this playground, to become the small island on which you can emerge to catch your breath .., shout loudly .., warm up ...

So, if the first marriage was a very bad detective, then the second is psychedelia of psychedelia (from ancient Greek греυχή - soul, δήλος - clear) is a narcotic trance phantasmagoria, [1] caused by the use of psychedelics, a state of altered consciousness, an unstable mental state [2 ], as well as a stratum of counterculture, which appeared due to the use of psychedelics, or some very strange phenomenon that gets out of the ordinary course of things. [3] ...

Man cannot and should not be alone! Having memorized each nail on a former rake, with my head held high ... I found a new one ... It seemed to me that completely opposite to my ex - 99.9% guarantee of success. Probably explainable that the difference in age at 8 years makes you feel like a little girl, after previous events, that in dire needs care, understanding and spiritual warmth. Slowly warming up, but without having started to trust, I built a new relationship (with an eye on all the cloves ...). Successful, educated, not tongue-tied, with a prepared sense of humor, not stupid with himself - a man of a dream! .. the only thing is that this dream has a second marriage, there are children in every marriage. But after all, difficulties will not frighten us! .. Already with me, he will be a sweetheart! .. Relationships that has began, as a non-binding holiday, have suddenly become covered with a dense web of claims to personal space, freedom of movement – I has got on to the hands. We had to move in, but his previous marriage was not yet dissolved ...

What the hell to start a new relationship - not ending an old one??? But it seems to you - here it is - a strong feeling! Here they are - these sacrifices for you ... This wil later, when you didn’t appreciate “these” sacrifices - you will choke on reproaches, but this all will be later ... And now: visiting the wife, the former mother-in-law (thank to God), blackmailing to a child ... And my new happiness was sure that I should suffer more than anyone, with all his big family... It took me several years to realize that he did not want to create something new, he wanted to “multiply” the old. On a reasonable question – so it might be better not to "multiply"? Like a ringing slap in the face - you destroy what all of us (wife-both ?, children-both ?, mother-in-law) so much pain and suffering brought - you did not manage to save your first marriage and ruin the second one that has not yet begun! Why is the instinct of elementary self-preservation deeply buried in the notorious person? Instead of escaping from chamber 6, you start “working on mistakes” ... Blackmail and endless manipulations led to the second stamp in the passport ... Here is a fool !!! The worst thing was the blackmail to a child! I always knew (with the help of daily reminders for several years) that I and only I was guilty that his children grow up in incomplete families and the son from his first marriage too, that if we, as I want, break up, then what is this "Universal pain" for? ..

We stayed together, provided that I do not want to have children from him (wealthy people can afford such a game ...), understanding his attitude towards his children - I did not want such a father for my child. At some moment, I was firmly convinced that I didn’t want children at all! ... Seeing how children become an instrument for blackmail, a means to squeeze money, and this is not only his former families, but most of the families from the inner circle ... being a normal person, did not want this happiness! Happiness to be a mom! Now I understand that once “normality” is very relative. When you are completely stuck in this environment, built on lies, manipulations, cruel role-playing games, when your role is to be part of this whole nightmare - it is difficult to assess the situation from the outside. You continue “supposedly correcting an old mistake”, and in the fact you root an old complex and get many new ones. Probably, each person has a reserve of good perception of external circumstances, the limit on evil, in relation to himself it is different for everyone. And now, finally, you fully begin to realize that you are just a guinea pig in the “fucking inhumane” experiment! Keeping you on a tight leash of “guilt feelings” is a universal mean for controlling a person.

Every obstacle to a career, declared as tender care, is a reason to prevent economic independence, and this is a loss of control! The devaluation of relations with my relatives as deprivation of any support from outside - all this led to the only right decision - to send it all to hell. And then it began ... If you are going to leave, then you go to someone, not from him "unique and magnificent", but definitely to someone! .. Like this, you are a failed experiment of a brilliant manipulator, you dare to think that it is so simple you can drop everything and leave! .. And from the second marriage I went light and went nowhere... When you have been trying to leave home in the morning for the last six months, and in the evening, you are sitting in the car, waiting for hours when the lights has gone out than quietly get into your room and sleep - you realize that you do not have a home. I went to a rented apartment again and plunged headlong into the work, having previously announced my decision, arguably, as I have been teaching all six years, explaining why ... By the way, without the slightest claim to jointly-acquired, by that time it has already had ...

As soon as possible, all friends and acquaintances were informed by my faithful of my "crazy act." The storm of furious censures in telephone calls and personal meetings with so-called friends, before whom the play was played for a very long time - “we observe the rules of decency, do not take out the trash...” it seemed that it would never subside. I was not understood by women with the same level of wealth, those who had a worse situation condemned ... There is a circle of people for whom material wealth is the most important thing! You can do without everything else than to replace it in the end ... For example, there is no love then make a lover, no happiness - make another one! But to throw a beautiful, well-fed feeding trough -it is a bust. Today, I maintain relationships with very few people from that life. Without breaking through my armor with economic “sanctions”, psychological pressure from friends and acquaintances, during the war, after all, all means are good – this person has got to my native people. Understanding perfectly well that we haven’t not succeed in our normal human sense, he tried to devalue my relationship with my parents, brother and his family. Unfortunately, my relatives and people, at last, having found a new relative, even after my departure, for some time accepting gifts and listening to drunk, tearful, heartbreaking outpourings, condemned and did not make my decision.

The man who tried to create a vacuum around me did not take into account the most important thing - my self-preservation instinct no longer fell asleep, praise to all the gods! I was waited for one and a half years of persecution by his guards, impressive tears of remorse at the notary's office after signing the power of attorney for property management, I exhibited in the eyes of colleagues, acquaintances and relatives of a drug addict, a fraud, a fallen woman, and who the hell still knows... I had no forgiveness that I have dared to quit, not me ...

I already didn’t care... Having lived a year and a half at the next ‘’fun”, having received the long-awaited certificate of divorce, I armed with champagne, celebrated a divorce with my colleagues.

I learned a lot from two marriages. Maybe I was too hard by two divorces.

For a very long time, I didn’t want anything but the creation of my “financial foundation”, nothing but work, I wanted 100% independence from everything and everyone. I learned to be cruel and tough, I was proud of my super independence, reveling in loneliness, I built my world by my own rules - I was 32 years old. Finishing repair in my house, delivering new furniture, appliances, I suddenly caught myself thinking that it was terribly comfortable for me to live alone. I no longer let anyone get too close to me - neither friends nor girlfriends. I continued to take care of my own people, a year later they made my decision and ceased to empathize with my ex. Everything was good. I was already 34 years old. A cozy home, work that I liked and brought good money, travel, many holidays - I was all good! The main thing just was not there! Before my first true love, there was just a little time left, until my best friend, before a happy, real family, before my long-awaited, amazing son - just a little - a little ... I just had 34...

Probably, each person, once having turned the wrong way, needs to fill his cones, erase his knees, rub the corns from his not comfortable shoes, to continue to choose his way more balanced, trying to avoid Sisyphean labors ...

Looking back, I am very sorry that the time spent on doubts, expectations, anxieties, fears, unfortunately cannot be returned ... Every time, fearing the unknown, we lose ourselves - we gain a lot of unnecessary experiences or try to preserve our fragile world, despite of all the laws of common sense ...

LET’S SUM UP ...

“Unsuccessful marriage”, in my understanding -are doubts, expectations, worries, fears! (Further, not censorship could follow 25 pages ...) Even if there is no love, we remain dependent for a long time on abnormal, painful relationships, on fear of loneliness, fear of condemnation by the closest people, we plunge headlong into a heap of not surmountable circumstances - in the fact, all this is a simple - cowardice! “It is better to fight against a familiar evil — than flight to an unfamiliar strive!” And so, sometimes many years or even all life ... And everyone, unfortunately, has his very convincing excuses ... for his own powerlessness ...

I stepped on my fears ... Twice ...

I am proud of my courage today!

My son grows in an atmosphere of love, care, happiness - he is the center of the universe for mom and dad !!!

For this, it was worth not being afraid !!!

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